Right beneath my skin


One of my favourite band was Linkin Park.

This band is very talented. I love how they mesh hip hop, alternative and rock together. Most of all, I can feel the lyrics. It was real to my core.

I call them angry music. If you listen all their previous albums (Meteora and Hybrid Theory), majority of the lyrics are base on how they establish themselves as artist. They describe the struggles they gone through and the pain they feel as others abandon them.

Here is one of the songs. It is called Paper Cut.

Here is a part of the lyric:

But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
It’s like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
So I know that when it’s time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right underneath my skin.

These songs were great when I am bitter. Especially when I am really piss off. There is some joy in having someone screaming at me about my pain and my hurt. Someone I can relate to.

However, if you read/listen to the lyrics, they offer no solution. They simply stating the problem. A friend who turn away from you. A feeling of helpless. A feeling of loss.

Here is another lyric from Fort Minor (one artist from Linkin Park created this group):

Come with me / let me walk you through the world I currently live in
Not a thing is forgotten / not a thing is forgiven
Nobody can hold their own underneath the weight but
Nobody can take the blame for their own mistakes so
What do you do when somebody lets you down

I had a very poor relationship with my parents. I can’t explain it. It was as if I am watching myself being bitter and angry and I can’t control it.

I remembered spending a lot of times thinking that I can resolve this on my own. I can fix it like I fix a computer. Every time I thought I ‘fixed’ it, it comes back. And I am left distraught.

I do not blame this on my parents. They did their best and care to raise me as much as they can. Mentally I can analyze it. Diff cultural, diff generation. However, emotionally I am a wreck.

How does one amend a heart that is already flawed? I can’t. I ain’t smart enough to resolve on my own.

In Ezekiel 36:25-27, it reads:
25 I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. Ezekiel was a prophet that was exiled to Babylon. Here God is giving them a promise and a hope that He will restore them to His people.

I accepted Christ two years ago. Lately I don’t listen to Linkin Park as way to vent. Why is that? In fact, I barely listen to them at all. Am I being transform? I still listen to Linkin Park once in a while. It reminded me. Where I came from. When I was lost. And I am sure there are many out there who are lost as well.

Lord, I am thankful for this heart of flesh that you implanted in me. I prayed that I shall always be reminded of your grace and your love. Let me continue to be in your presence and be in awe of what you have done in my life. Do not let go of me and leave my presence.

1 comment

  • Cliff — when I was wondering if I could ever recover (in therapy) and be alive, I quoted to my counselor, “Can these bones live? Lord, YOU know…”

    Ezekiel is good. So is the passage from James at the start of your sidebar. I should go read them both. I have been away too long. Too distracted by the cares of the world and from each idol that would keep us.

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