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[Wed Q&A] How to move on from a relationship and forget about the person?

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I received a number of questions about Jesus, faith and relationships. I’ve decided every Wednesday I will post one Question and Answer (Q&A).

Wai Jia and I went back to Canada in June and we received a few questions from the youth in my church about relationship.  I will start with those and see where we will go 😉


Question:  How to move on from a relationship and forget about the person?

When it comes to break up, the best advice I can give is that it takes time to recover.  It takes a long time for me to get over someone before considering a relationship again.  It is harder if the person is someone you see often, like within a group of friends or in church.  The best method is to take a break from making contact with this person.  This might mean actively hiding that person from Gmail chat or un-friending from Facebook so you won’t unconsciously (or consciously) see what the other person is up to.

Most people will try to move on by treating the other person as an enemy.  It is “natural” in a break-up to say, ”since the other person is wrong, he/she owes me.”  We might feel we are right but this sort of thinking traps us.  It traps us because we are stuck in this cycle of unforgiveness.  My answer is to forgive the other person (even if you are right or feel you are right).   Like Jesus said in Matthew 5:23…

…remember that your brother or sister has something against you

Jesus is teaching His disciples to go and reconcile even though their brother or sister wronged them.   This means reconciliation and forgiveness is the key in Christian living, regardless who’s right or wrong.  The Lord brought Wai Jia in my life right after I reconciled all my previous broken relationships.  I am glad the Lord did that.  Or else I will be bringing my hurt and baggage into our relationship.  As much as it hurts, I prefer to pray for the other person.  Even in the pain of a break up we can use this circumstance to grow in Him.

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