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Prayer and desire to be independent…

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I will be honest. I am horrible at praying.  Especially to pray for a long time.

My mind always drift off.  I sometimes fall asleep praying.  Sometimes I am too busy to pray.
Actually there are many times I am too busy to pray.
But since the beginning of this year, I am tired of not having a prayerful life.
I remember sitting in the Bible School class in Cambodia last year.  The Missionary teacher was teaching.  He taught about the characteristics of a God’s worker.  When he mentioned praying he said with disgust how some called themselves pastors when they don’t even pray.
In today’s age, we tend to love to read about new ways of doing church and creative things we can do to draw people to Christ.  The idea of relevance, the thoughts of missional and the buzzwords of contextualization are very common in today’s Christian circle. (They are not necessary wrong..but I will save that for another post!)
What I seem to forget is that a God’s worker is one sent by God, filled with the Holy Spirit, to do the will of God.  God is the one who commission the worker to go out (just as Moses and the Burning Bush).  He is the one who equip us.  He is the one who lead us.  He is the one who guide us.
I am ever impress by how the biographies of all the missionaries I read.  The commonality between them is their huge focus in prayer.  I am currently reading an autobiography by George Mueller.  His whole ministry, opening orphanages and Bible schools, were all dependent on prayers.  He wanted the world to see that God is the one who can be trusted and does provide so he made it a rule to never solicit funds.  
There’s a portion of his book where he said how refreshing his day would be if he pray an hour before breakfast.  This week, Wai Jia and I made a habit to get up and pray before we do anything else. I will be hoenst, it is hard hard work. I can barely pray for 15 minutes.  George Muller also wrote that he would pray to God to give him the strength to get up the next day to pray.  Wow.  I never thought of that and applied to my own walk as well.
I often wonder why we don’t pray as much as we should.  We hear many sermons.  Pray more. Pray more.  Before my excuse is that I am too busy since I made a commitment to meet a friend to go out.  I need to honor that.  Lately, I just chuck that excuse out the window.  How can I not honor God and give Him my best time?   Plus, I need Him to sustain my His ministry.  
And sometimes I think I enjoy being independent.  Just as a kid growing up, saving enough money to buy his own car.  Now he doesn’t need to borrow his parents’ car anymore.  He’s a man now.  All grown up.  Sometimes I think the independent thinking flows into my own spiritual walk.  How silly to say, I don’t need prayer nor need God to do His work…….BUT if I don’t pray, that’s what I am saying unconsciously.
Lastly, among the Christian circles, we have pastors that we like because of their skillful way to articulate the gospel.  We desire those skills.  Maybe it is the way they speak.  Or how intellectual they sound.  Or the way they get to the heart of the issue.  So we eye those skills instead of seeking the source of those skills, the Holy Spirit.
And so, where do I want others to see me.  Skillful way to deliver a sermon or one uninteresting person powered by the Holy Spirit.  Definitely the latter.  Thus, here we go, 2013.  This will be one of the point in my life where I draw closer to Him.
Charles Chambers often says that the greatest hindrance to God’s work is when we think we can do something for the Lord.  It is when we realize we cannot do a thing for Him.  We are empty handed and hopeless.  Then He begins to work in us….
Amen and AMEN!

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