Being 40s is an interesting season. I am now seeing my girls growing up. I am seeing my parents growing old. And I also realize that I am growing older.
The general belief is that younger is better. If you are 30, it is like you are 20. If you are 40, it is like you are 30. It is not true.
On the one hand, I do feel sombre, especially seeing my parents getting older. Especially when they are in Canada, and I can’t visit them as often. I feel like time is just slipping out of my hand. I used to have so much time at home and hang out with them, but now I don’t. Every time I see them, there is a high chance that it will be the last time I see them.
I am also getting old. Last year, when I foolishly decided to run across Singapore during the day, I ended up in hospital for three days because of a heat stroke. I was the same young person in my 20s when I used to do triathlon and go all out.
Also, I have more responsibilities with my wife and two girls. We have a home to take care of. I want to spend more time with my girls. It is gratifying seeing them grow up. When I hear the younger generation doesn’t want children because they are costly, I shake my head, thinking they don’t know what they are missing. Yes, it is hard work, but man, it is so rewarding. I love my triathlon and Ironman days, but there is nothing like seeing the joy of my girls when they learn a new skill or enjoy something together.
One thing I realized, being in my 40s, is that I am less emo or freak out when things happen. In my 20s or 30s, I am way more emotional when bad things happen. These days, not so much. Sure, I do get freaked out occasionally (like the other night, I found a tarantula crawling in my bathroom, LOL). When you go through a few struggles in your 20s and 30s, once you hit your 40s, you are more experienced in dealing with things.
When I doomscroll on social media, I see many people want to return to their young age and live those moments in their 20s. Strangely, I don’t see that in myself. Sometimes, I dream about doing another Half-Ironman or something like that. But do I want to go back to being immature about life? I am not sure. I don’t have as much energy, but I am more stable.
Perhaps it is part of life, and it also takes time to accept that we are getting older. There is no way you can rewind the time. And it is a hard thing to accept. Being older means you can’t go back and do opportunities again once opportunities are missed. And that is a part we can grieve. Once in a while, I missed my friends in Canada, especially those I used to hang out in my 20s. Now I can’t do the same.
The last part about being in my 40s is that I understand and appreciate my parents more than before. It is probably because I am also a parent; I am now in their shoes. The struggles they deal with, paying bills and making sure their kids are well taken care of, are the same struggles I am dealing with. Where before I will never listen to my parents, now I seek their wisdom.
The reality is that life is moving, and it never stops. Having a liver transplant, I am more aware of how little time I have left. And I am reminded to be mindful that my time on earth is limited. As such, I want to make it worth. What does that mean? For me, it is simply faithful to follow Jesus for the rest of my life. This means being a faithful husband, a loving father and be a good witness to those who do not know Jesus.
