As a stay-at-home dad, I am, in a way, at the fringe of what society expects a husband and father to be. The father and husband are known to be the breadwinners and provide for the family.
Now, no one has confronted us about this. But once in a while, we can feel a subtle expectation and, at times, disappointment that our family is going against this.
This may sound like an assumption. But I will say for those who are complementarian, this idea that the husband should make more than the wife is assumed as unbiblical.
Before I continue, I will say that there is a spectrum of beliefs in most camps. Everyone is different and believes one camp to a certain degree.
This can be between liberals and conservatives, complementarians and egalitarians, or Calvinism and Arminianism. People’s beliefs tend to be spread over a spectrum. Two people may profess they are liberal, but the degree of liberalism they believe in can be vastly different.
It ain’t rocket science, but this is important torememberd because we can easily pigeon-hole people into one group without realizing they don’t fit into what we assume that group to be.
Okay, let’s get back to this.
So is it Biblical for the wife to earn more than the husband?
For me, there are no verses in the Bible to support this.
However, there are these verses which are true:
- The husband is the head of the household (Ephesians 5:23), which also includes finances. Just because one person makes more doesn’t mean they have a say in how the money is spent.
For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.
Ephesians 5:23 (NKJV)
- The husband’s role is to ensure that the family is not starving (1 Timothy 5:8). If the household has trouble paying bills, the husband must work to support the family.
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
1 Timothy 5:8 (NKJV)
- Wife can work and make money. In fact, Proverbs 31 appears to show that this is commendable.
My background is in IT, and my wife is a doctor. When we got together, I was going into ministry and working for a Christian NGO. My role there was volunteer, meaning I didn’t even get a salary. I just get a stipend to cover my living expenses.
If the idea is that the husband has to make more than the wife, does this mean I have to stop doing ministry and work in a secular job to earn more than my wife? Or does this mean my wife should stop working or take a pay cut instead? The reality is that if I am in ministry, there is no way I can never make more than my wife as a doctor. I don’t adhere to the prosperity Gospel so I will never be ‘rich’.
Now, what does work mean? Does it mean I have to be in the office 9-5 or 8-6? What is the requirement? For me, this is actually not Biblical (not Bible-based). This idea of working 9-5 is based on our society’s thinking.
What if my wife and I both work and her salary is 1 dollar than mine? Is that considered bad?
What if I am pursuing a Master of Divinity full-time? Does this mean I have a part-time job to fulfil the idea that the husband has to work?
When I look at the Bible, it is clear to me that it is not very strict in how husband and wife should work. As I mentioned before, the key is:
- Husband as the head of the household (Ephesians 5:23)
- Husband is to ensure there is enough to take care of the family (1 Timothy 5:8)
Other than that, I don’t see any rules or regulations that are imposed upon the husband and the wife regarding working and who should earn more.
There is a separation between work and pay. I work because God called me to work, and my work glorifies Him. The pay is because God provides for me. This means God can provide for me in various ways, one of which is through a salary.
The problem is that we value someone, even between spouses, on how much money we bring in. This is flaw, and it is not even Biblical. The Bible never values someone based on their income or riches. Jesus commended the widow with two copper coins not because she was rich. Wealth in the Bible is always point to God as the provider.
This is why the Lord’s prayer includes asking God to give us our daily bread:
Give us today our daily bread.
Matthew 5:11 (NKJV)
Why? Because we are to trust in God as our Provider and not as money (or our skills or talents).
One more point, why is it so important for the husband to earn more than the wife? Is this have to do with ego? Is a man less of a man if he earns less than his wife? If it is, then we are basing our identity on how much money we make, which is also idolatry. Shouldn’t we base our identity on our relationship with Jesus?
If my wife can make more money to take care of our living expenses so I can work in ministry, that’s great. The reality is that you don’t make big bucks in ministry, unless you adhere to Prosperity Gospel (which I don’t). We see the money that we make is not what she makes or he makes. It is God that provides.
