You humble me Lord…

you humble me Lord… I am down on my knees empty… you humble me Lord.

This is from a song from Norah Jones. This morning my mom told me that she is going to get another part time job doing quinting. She say there is not enough money coming in to pay the bills.

My parents are in their 50s. It is hard to see them spending all the years working and getting me and my sis through university. Now after we graduate, the situation is still the same.

Deep down there is a lot of certainty. Part of me wants to scream out why is this going on. However, there is a major part of me that is in calm and steady.

I know if I find another job that pays much more than the one I have right now (a job that at least compensate me for my skills compare to the market), things would be a easier.

Right now I am just thinking, the things God give us. I just keep thinking about Dave when he is hiding in the caves and knowing God told him he would be the King. Or when he is in his ending days and his sons are fighting for the throne. Compare to him, my problem is miniscule.

Sometimes I believe I need problems like these. It keeps me grounded to the earth and keep me humble. When I am humble, there is more comfort in myself than going out or other “fun” things. I found that very fascinating. Peace is not out there (job, fame, money etc.) but what is within our hearts. And this peace, brings me closer to God.

…I am not sacrficing my training for finding more money (find a part time job etc.). These past two days I have been training very hard. Before work and after work. Today I have an ultrasound at 2:30 pm. That means no eating 7 hours before…oh the torment 🙂